After far too long since my last article, I write to you from my new life as a graduate student in philosophy in Krakow, Poland. I’m currently sitting on my laptop and sipping my americano in the square of the beautiful (well, when it’s not covered in scaffolding due to restoration as it is now) Basilica of St. Mary. As I gaze upon this great basilica, I can’t help but think that few spots could be better to write on today’s feast; Our Lady of the Rosary. There is so much history contained in the Holy Rosary and today’s feast alone. Today, 7 October, is the anniversary of the victory of the Christians over the Mohammedans at the Battle of Lepanto, a battle won as a result of the faith of the soldiers and the people in the Holy Rosary. I could say so much about this battle, the origins of the rosary, St. Dominic, or any host of topics related to the rosary. All of this, however, can be found on countless other blogs, sites, and books. Nor do I seek to go into some deep theology of the devotion to the Rosary or Mary, for far more eloquent the words of St. Alphonsus or St. Louis de Montfort than those of myself on this topic. Therefore, I find it best to give a sort of personal “testimony” (a word I was very accustomed to as a Protestant) of the Holy Rosary. Perhaps, my humble experiences would be some sort of inspiration to another to encourage them to take up the Rosary. In fact, if only one person would find greater love of the Rosary of Our Lady, I would be happy for having written this article. At the risk of running on for too long without ever getting out of an introduction, let us begin.
As I went through the pangs of my crisis of faith which ultimately led to my conversion to the Holy Catholic Church, I was thrown about in the spiritual tempest. As I began to have doubts as to the denomination which I was in for most of my life thus far, I found myself jumping around from church to church. I kept attending Sundays at the church of my parents, but on other nights of the week, I would attend bible studies, youth groups, and other meetings of different churches. I would read online about various Christian (and even non-Christian) sects with no real idea of what it was I was searching for. The idea of one of them being objectively true had not yet entered my mind. All I knew was that I wanted more in my faith and life in general. If you can think of it, I probably at least looked into it at one point; Mormonism, Lutheranism, Evangelicalism, Messianic Judaism, and so many other “isms” (plus Orthodoxy, since it ends not with “ism”). Not on my list, however, was Catholicism. I was very deeply and emotionally Protestant to the core. Heaven forbid that I associate with those nasty Papists who officiated (so I thought) the deaths of my so-called ancestors in faith who, after 1500 years, finally brought real Christianity to the world. I would be no Papist. In fact, when I would sing at at the local Catholic parish in my town, I would always despise the experience. Looking upon the people in the pews with disdain from my spot in their choir loft, I would pray “Thank you God, I am not like one of these Romans.” I was as the Pharisee in the temple. Despite my complete abhorrence to the faith of the Catholics, there was one thing which began to fascinate me; the Holy Rosary. For most Protestants who finally decide to swim the Tiber into the sweet embrace of Rome, the “Mary issue,” as it’s often called, is the very last thing they are able to resolve. The same would, for the most part, be the case for me. However, as someone who likes pretty things, something about those beautiful beads dangling in the hands of Roman Catholics was intriguing to me. I had no idea what they were for or even what prayers they were praying on them. All I knew was that I wanted some. So, in the midst of my crisis of faith, although I would not entertain the beliefs of the Catholic Church yet, I made my way to the Catholic parish, snuck in to the back door as a mass was going on inside, and went to the little honor system gift shop I knew was in the back of the church from my times singing there. I examined the array of beads. Some of them were beautiful and elaborate, others quite simple. I chose very simple beads; wooden with a simple cross with a corpus simply imprinted on it. To be frank, the rosaries costed more than I anticipated and this was the only one I had enough money in my pocket for. However, I couldn’t leave and come back. I couldn’t risk being caught. I put my money in the little safe box and then rushed out as quickly as I could. I spent maybe 5 minutes in the church. Later that night, I would examine my new treasure and look up how exactly to use it. To my surprise, I learned that these beads were a devotion to the humble maid of Nazareth, Mary. At first, it was quite shocking. However, I was still drawn to the little beads in my hand and the prayers contained in them. Particularly, I was moved by the idea of meditation on the mysteries of the life of Christ. At this point in my journey, I was beginning to construct my own hodgepodge faith which comprised my favorite elements of the things I had studied in various religious groups. I decided that maybe this one papist product wasn’t so bad and could be incorporated into my new personal religion. So on that first night, rosary in one hand and smartphone in the other (with the prayers), I prayed my first rosary. After this first night, however, my practice of the rosary was far from regular. I found myself only drawn to it on occasions. Most notably, whenever I was faced some sort of great trial or conflict, I would pick up my beads, look up the prayers and mysteries on Google, and pray. This experience brought me so much comfort amidst times of great sorrow. It wasn’t, however, a pacifier to ease the pain. Rather, it helped me to confront my issues by turning my mind and soul to the maternity of that great Mother in Heaven and the life of her Son. When I finished the rosary, my problems were still there. However, I knew that I wasn’t facing these problems alone. It was this rather sporadic cycle of the rosary which, I believe, ultimately brought me to my conversion. Fast forward a while to the dawning of my conversion. My heart was no longer hardened to the teachings of the Church of Rome, an interest for it had been placed into my heart, and I was ready with an open mind to at least give time to study this faith as I had others in the past couple of years. I remember sitting in my high school library and sending an email to the religious sister in charge of RCIA (the Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) at the local parish. I had no intent, as of yet, to convert. I made this clear in my email, I was simply coming to learn more and at least understand the ways of the Catholics. Seven months later, I was Catholic. Only four months after that, I was in university with all of its challenges. I was now faced with a new and rather unexpected challenge; I was attending a Catholic school, but what was often said in the classroom didn’t seem as such. Intellectually I was confused. Spiritually, I was downtrodden by the apparent denial of faith by many of my professors and fellow students. I began to study even more deeply on my own, reading the lives of saints and solid spiritual and catechetical books. More importantly, however, I committed myself to the rosary as I knew to do during times of distress. Through the meditations on the life of Christ, the prayers of intercession to his Mother, and the patience gained in staying present through those seemingly monotonous prayers, my mind and soul were more deeply united to those of Christ. I felt the rosary had become a tether for me, keeping me safely united to Our Lady and Christ amidst the storm which sought to pull me, once again, from the Church. Often, the saints have compared the Church to a ship leading us home to Heaven. Even the best of ships, however, are rocked by the waves and those aboard risk being thrown overboard. The rosary is our tether to the ship to keep us from falling off. The rosary continues to have such importance in my life and my devotion to it grows with each time I pray it. Trials still assail me, scandal in the Church continues to be exposed, people around me reject me, and I now find myself in a new country whose language I do not speak immersed in studies that I’m still not even sure I will want to (or be able to afford to) continue and finish. I thought I would be living in a Dominican monastery in France (a country I am familiar with), studying the language and searching for opportunities to make it my new home. COVID (or rather Our Lord in His providence) had other plans. Life is full of unknowns. At any moment, it could be radically changed through loss of job, death of family, unexpected move, or even a worldwide disease. Sure we have the certainties of our faith, but even the faith contains mysteries which the human mind cannot contain. The rosary, however, is stable and structured. Each day has a set of mysteries dedicated to it. Each prayer is simple and repetitive. The rosary has no surprises. It is that trustworthy tether we grasp to in order to stay near to Jesus and Mary. Even should the beads be torn from our hands amidst persecution (something that it seems we could see in the not so distant future), we have exactly the number of fingers we need to complete one decade. I’m not perfect at praying the rosary. Often times I put it off until the end of the day or forget it all together. Therefore, in this month of the Rosary, I’m spending it to rededicate myself to the daily praying of the rosary. I have seen first hand the power of the rosary in so many ways, including ways not mentioned in this little testimony, and still failed to pray it. Despite my failure, I know that each rosary gives me the strength and resolve to continue to be more faithful to it in the future. Therefore, I encourage (or rather, beg) you to use this month to rededicate (or dedicate) yourself to the Holy Rosary. Even if you are not Catholic, maybe you will find some consolation in it as I once did. Cling to the tether of faith manifested in the practice of these holy beads so you may be a child Our Lady who will bring you to and keep you at the side of her Son, Jesus. To finish, I will leave you with the quotation from True Devotion to Mary by St. Louis de Montfort: “We know they (the children of Mary) will be true disciples of Jesus Christ, imitating his poverty, his humility, his contempt of the world and his love. They will point out the narrow way to God in pure truth according to the holy Gospel, and not according to the maxims of the world. Their hearts will not be troubled, nor will they show favor to anyone; they will not spare or heed or fear any man, however powerful he may be. They will have the two-edged sword of the word of God in their mouths and the blood-stained standard of the Cross on their shoulders. They will carry the crucifix in their right hand and the rosary in their left, and the holy names of Jesus and Mary on their heart. The simplicity and self-sacrifice of Jesus will be reflected in their whole behavior.” Artwork: Gaetano Esposito, 1887.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
About MeAn Iowa-raised convert to Catholicism seeking to live my life entirely for Jesus and His Church with all the saints. Archives
August 2021
Categories |